Dear Plums,
I just dropped my youngest son off at college. Our nest is officially empty, and I feel lost. I’m happy to see my kids pursuing their dreams, but things are awfully quiet around here.
Empty Nester
Dear “Empty Nester,”
It’s okay to feel lost. Or confused. Or sad. If you notice that you've been holding certain feelings back, it may feel good to just let yourself have a good cry. From diapers to dorm room drop-off, you’ve been actively parenting for nearly two decades, and this isn’t a switch you can just turn off. Your feeling of "lost-ness" is rooted in your love for your child, and the intense work of getting them from birth to launch. This transition may feel a lot like loss, but it’s more about relocation. Your child is beginning a new chapter, but so are you.
Take Time to Celebrate
Leading one’s birds to flight is no small feat. Step back, breathe and acknowledge your accomplishment. While an empty nest is not an end to parenting, this point in the journey is a biggie. You’ve moved a few mountains to get here, and - whether it’s planning a little get-away or going out for dinner, find a way to reward yourself.
Prioritize Self Care
The time you spent taking care of your teen while they were at home is now up for grabs — so grab it; it’s yours. Redirecting that energy into taking care of yourself may feel a bit unfamiliar. Are there medical issues you’ve placed on the back burner? Make those appointments. Have you been neglecting your physical health? Now is a good time to focus on fitness and nutrition. Start with small habits, such as a daily walk after dinner or 10 push-ups before your morning coffee. Build new routines, and rediscover the benefits of self-care.
Indulge in Inspiration
Whether it’s learning a new language, traveling, taking a cooking class, or learning an instrument, embrace this opportunity to focus on expanding your own horizons. It may feel a bit foreign to focus on yourself. Do it anyway. If you’ve always wanted to take ballroom dancing, it’s time to tango.
Tend to the Nest
Now that your bird has flown, take stock of your nest. Are there areas of your home in need of repair? Could you use an update to your decor or some organization in your closets? While your child is adapting to a new place, renew your own space. Take advantage of this time to declutter your home and give it a refresh. A word of warning: don’t update your fledgling’s room quite yet. When they come home the first few times, young adults typically want to feel like they're coming home to their home.
Cultivate Connections
Everyone needs their people, even the most die-hard of introverts. Reach out to friends and family. Whether it’s a date night or coffee with a friend, reprioritizing your social connections will soothe that empty nest ache. Now’s a good time to join a book club or volunteer. Sometimes just being around people in a coffee shop is enough to feel a connection.
This is a big transition, and there’s no right way to feel. Some days you might feel extra dark, while others may come with some relief that, at the very least, no one’s asking you what’s for dinner or “where is my [insert obscure item of clothing]?” Eventually, you’ll settle into a new normal, and your empty nest will feel full — of memories, of friends, of laughter, and of laundry brought home for Thanksgiving break.
Until then, there’s always room in our orchard for you.
xo,
Plums
Comments